Parenting is a complex, multi-layered job and I do a lot better at it when I have a tidy home. Unfortunately, being human and all, I don’t always manage to keep it that way. But when things are in their place, I find I can think better, react to my kids less, and it’s a whole lot easier for my kids to keep things tidy themselves. But when a part of my home becomes a little clutter-hell, I want to go into avoidance. Not useful.

Here’s how I have learned to deal with it …

This unretouched photo shows our den, in an actual de-cluttered state

I call my approach “stack and subdivide” – not a very catchy name, I know. There are four steps to my process (if you want to hear from the pros, check out the Clutter Control Club. They have five steps, but, hey, who’s counting?). For me the key is to do each step at a different time, otherwise I find myself starting to feel overwhelmed. This is all about not feeling overwhelmed.

I start by creating a pile of all those “things” I don’t know what to do with. That’s the “stacking” part in my “stack and subdivide” strategy. Then I schedule the next step in my calendar, so as to create a natural break in the process.

Here are the four steps:

1. Sort through the pile with a single question: what do I have to keep? Everything else goes into the recycling (or garbage).

2. Put all the keeper items back into the pile (now walk AWAY from the pile!)

3. A day, or a week later, go back to the pile and sort into areas or actions.

4. (Same day, or another day if I find it’s stressing me out) Put each item away, and/or add them as tasks to my to do list.

By step three, I am usually putting things away as I sort. Often I find that is enough and the pile is magically gone (as is step four). But if there are indeed items that I don’t know what to do with, I find I am usually down to one or two specific problems (e.g. “where do I want to store vases?” or “How long should I keep correspondence from the insurance company?”). For me at least, one or two specific questions like this is a lot easier to deal with than the vague uncertainty of a whole pile of stuff.

Recently I had some fun with this: I put a whole bunch of papers I had been avoiding into a box and called it the "Big Box of Fear." I wrote the steps right on the box.

For me, the other benefit with this approach is that it allows me to look at the items in the pile at least twice before I actually have to decide what to do with them (first when I stack everything, and a second time when I decide what to throw away). This is helpful psychologically because I realize it’s not going to be as complicated as I thought before I started handling each item. It is also helpful because the back of mind starts thinking about what to do with those darned things. By the time I get to step three, I usually know what to do with all the items.

It’s all really just a trick I’m playing on myself to get over the mental hurdles of dealing with clutter. There are many people who are better at organizing than I am who wouldn’t need to go through a process like this. But the challenge for many of us is that our lives seem too full already. It’s stressful, and it can be detrimental to good parenting, I find.

As a parent, I want to be calm, involved, and emotionally available to my children. Having my home more-or-less in order helps a lot.

Eric

P.S. For more on this topic, check out my post on the Clutter Control Club.