Metro Morning, the CBC Radio 1 morning show, had a nice piece today about getting ready for the pre-teen years. Karen Horseman, who is on a roll these days if you ask me, spoke about her feelings as her oldest child starts Grade 7. He now has a locker at school and subtle changes in relations between the boys and the girls are starting to happen. It’s a moment that make many parents nervous – their first child is approaching the end of childhood …

Karen mentioned a list of books on the topic. My favourite title has to be “How To Hug A Porcupine”, by Julie Ross. Another book is focused on the academic side: ”Every Parents Guide To Middle School”, by Robert Walrond. She recommended the positive tone of “The Good Teen”, by Richard Lerner.

I have, in a strange way, experienced the pre-teen years for the first time twice (yes, you read right). My first four children went to the Waldorf School (where I also taught for many year, but that is another story …) So I experienced a first time pre-teen with my eldest daughter in that setting. The second is with my youngest, the only one in the family to be entirely educated in the public school. Because the setting was so different, it’s like doing it for the first time, again.

The single most important piece of advice, which Karen Horseman also spoke about this morning, is this: spend more time with your child. Go to movies together, go to the basketball court, have tea together when your child comes home from school (if you work at home, that is), do projects in the backyard together. Give your child the time and space to tell you about their lives and what they think about things. It means climbing down off your “wise parent soapbox” sometimes and just listening. Accept your child’s point of view. If he or she says something outrageous (which my son sometimes does) just laugh about it! Have fun discovering who your child is becoming. Trust your child.

If you can start the habit of open communications with your child, you will build the single most important tool for successful teen parenting.