Metro Morning, the CBC Radio 1 morning show, had a nice piece today about getting ready for the pre-teen years. Karen Horseman, who is on a roll these days if you ask me, spoke about her feelings as her oldest child starts Grade 7. He now has a locker at school and subtle changes in relations between the boys and the girls are starting to happen. It’s a moment that make many parents nervous – their first child is approaching the end of childhood …

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It’s strange to say this, but our children don’t get to see much real work. Mom or Dad sitting at a computer, or rushing off to a meeting is not something a young child can understand as “work.” Dad or Mom sweeping the floor with a broom is. We’re not going to change our world, nor should we, but I think we do need to make a conscious effort to get our children out to see “real things.”

Hard at work, the way the pioneers did it

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Parenting is a complex, multi-layered job and I do a lot better at it when I have a tidy home. Unfortunately, being human and all, I don’t always manage to keep it that way. But when things are in their place, I find I can think better, react to my kids less, and it’s a whole lot easier for my kids to keep things tidy themselves. But when a part of my home becomes a little clutter-hell, I want to go into avoidance. Not useful.

Here’s how I have learned to deal with it …

This unretouched photo shows our den, in an actual de-cluttered state

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I’ve tried all the tricks for getting my kids to eat healthier foods. The simplest one is to just prepare something simple and put it near them without comment. I remember that if my parents asked if I wanted some apple, I would usually reply “no,” but as soon as my father started slicing his own apple, I wanted some. Carrots, apples, celery, orange slices, berries, cheese and healthy crackers, nuts, whatever. Just prepare it and serve it.

Works every time.

Apples just taste better if they were sliced by mom or dad

A while back I innocently signed up for the “Clutter Control Club” Newsletter on the Canadian Parents web site (click on the link for “Clubs“).

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Read more…

We had a great days on Saturday, my sons and I, cleaning the house. That’s right, I said “great day.” It was satisfying, the boys were into it, and we had fun while we were at it.

Believe me, it isn’t always that way around here. What went right? Well, about six things, to be exact. Here’s the list … Read more…

We are not a religious family per se, but we do say a simple non-denominational grace most days. It’s not about a religious tradition so much as it is about stopping to say “thank you” for what we have.

Another great meal made (mostly) by the youngest member of the family.

Much is said these days about the attitude of entitlement that young people seem to have. I’m not sure what I think about that. Sometimes I think it may be just curmudgeonly griping by the older generation. But I do think that life is that much better if we learn to stop from time to time and express appreciation.

Between people, saying “thank you” is a basic form of acknowledgment, like “please,” “hello” and “goodbye.” We affirm each other when we say these things. It does us all good. And there is something extra special about “thank you.”

I’m convinced we owe it to our kids to model thankfulness in whatever way works for us. I’m not sure you can “teach” someone to be grateful, but perhaps we can teach it by demonstrating gratitude ourselves.

My youngest son is a picky eater. I’ve tried all the tricks. I’ve insisted that he at least tries whatever is served. I’ve tried to force him to eat; I’ve tried bribes. I’ve tried building our menus around his preferences. Mostly, I guess, I have resigned myself to it.

You will never believe where this delicious meal came from.

Then one day I got the Jamie Oliver cooking app on my iPhone. It has many how-to videos and we enjoyed watching them immensely. (They’re great for long car drives, by the way). It also has recipes, and young son chimed in that he would like to make the pork chow mein. Just as I was about to tell him “this recipe is way to complicated,” I stopped myself…

We made the shopping list, bought all the ingredients and then we went through the elaborate preparation (“20-minute meals” my foot!) Sure, we got some parts wrong, but we ended up with something that looked pretty good (see photo). And guess who ate every last scrap on his plate!

Yes, I nag. I know it’s useless, and it rarely gets me anywhere with my kids, but I still sometimes catch myself doing it. Last weekend, the boys did not do their clean-up chores, which they normally do pretty well. I got home from my errands and there they were on the XBox, the living room looking like a landscape in the game they were playing. So I nagged. I got righteous (you know, about all the things I do for them … blah, blah, blah) and from there it’s only a hop skip and a jump to obnoxious. I even found myself obnoxious. Read more…

A while back I innocently signed up for the “Clutter Control Club” Newsletter on the Canadian Parents web site (click on the link for “Clubs“).

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

It turns out this is an intensive 28-Day program of epic proportions. And it’s pretty darned useful stuff, too. Basically, you get a new email every day with tips, encouragement, and specific steps to take that day. I’m sure many people will actually execute the whole program down to a “T” – and I’m sure it could pretty much change their lives to do so. But for the rest of us slackers, there’s more than enough useful advice to make a difference on the home front.

As a single parent running my business from my home (mostly), I have often felt overwhelmed by the work of managing the household – on top of managing my kids and everything else. Along the way I have noticed two things:

1. It’s a lot easier to keep a tidy house tidy.

2. I am a much better parent when the home is in order.

The first point is not a word play: it’s much less effort to maintain order than it is to create it out of chaos. I am an “inspired creative” type of person, so I have no problem creating chaos! But (ironically) the more order I maintain in my home, the effective all that inspired creativity is. It’s almost like my home is a reflection of my state of mind. Slowly but surely, I am learning to create and keep this order.

The second point is even  ore important. Your kids are only kids once, so naturally all of us parents want to make the experience and the process as positive and helpful to them as possible. “Positive and helpful” does not generally include things like nagging or arguing, but I find that’s just what I do when things around me are in disarray. It’s easy blame my kids for the mess – which may be true in a way. But of course I am the parent, so it’s up to me to create a constructive mood. That means guiding my children to what they could or should be doing, rather than blaming them for what they have not yet learned to do.

What can I say? An orderly home makes me a better parent.

Now back to the Clutter Control Club Agenda. Sometimes advice doesn’t need to be earth-shattering to be really helpful. One of my favourite things in the CCC is the “Sparkle Kit.” Basically, a “Sparkle Kit” is a carrier with all your cleaning supplies and equipment. Yes the name is cheesy and the idea is fairly simple, but it works for me. I have kept all the cleaning stuff in the kitchen closet – except for some of the bathroom cleaning gear, which is under the bathroom sink. Bad idea. Keep everything together and make sure it’s portable. It speeds up cleaning a whole lot and makes it much easier for my boys when it’s their turn to clean. there is a thread on the Canadian Parents forum called “What’s in Your Sparkle Kit?” It’s interesting to see what people include, and how they use their cleaning gear. And it’s awesome that people take the time to talk about this stuff with each other.

I also like the “Clutter Control System Five” (I even like the cool name. Does that make me a cleaning nerd?). These are the five steps to de-cluttering a room. I’m doing them right now in my office.

Step 1: Ask yourself this question: This room/closet/area is a space for….
Step 2: Then decide: based on your answers above, how you are going to set up your space.
Step 3: Sort
Step 4: Clean
Step 5: Organize and Containerize

Again, it’s not rocket science, but it helps to systematize the process.

What about you? How is the clutter thing affecting you and your family?  How do you deal with it?

A tidy corner of my office ... with roses from the garden.

Thanks, and kudos to Tracy Keleher, “maven and host” of the Clutter Control Club.